Forgiveness First

Shelley Pearson • Sep 09, 2021

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Matthew 6:12

What can a person really get out of 15 minutes of listening to someone talk? Well, if that person was a high school student attending one of the pop-up sessions at FCA’s Leadership Camp this summer, that 15 minutes might be life changing. Whether learning how to read their Bibles, pray more effectively, answer the hard questions, or coping with anxiety, these high school leaders learned how to lean into their relationships with God in daily life. They were also challenged to pursue God with all of themselves which requires heart transformation. Surrender isn’t easy, and it always requires something of us. 


Some of the pop-ups were especially challenging. Russ Bahr, North Central Wisconsin FCA Area Director, led a pop-up session on forgiveness for the second time. Why? Because of how much his unforgiveness over two decades had affected him and how much his life changed once he finally forgave those who had hurt him. 

Why Forgive?

We are all sinners (Romans 3:23).


The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).


Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin (Romans 5:8).


We are forgiven (1 John 1:9), washed white as snow (Isaiah 1:18), and our sin is removed from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103).


Stop to think about that for a moment. The great grace of God provided a way for us to be completely forgiven of our sins and accepted into the family of God (1 John 1:12) through no effort of our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). 

Yet how often do we live in unforgiveness toward others? We feel justified for any number of reasons:

  • “He didn’t ask for my forgiveness.”
  • "She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”
  • “If I forgive him, he will just hurt me again.”
  • “What she did to me is unforgivable.”
  • “Forgiving him would only show him what he did was no big deal.”
  • Insert your own thoughts here.


But God doesn’t give us an out when it comes to forgiveness. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

When the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, He gave them what we call today “The Lord’s Prayer.” Part of that prayer says, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

God calls us to forgive because he knows that unforgiveness hurts our relationships with others and Him, often more than we ever know.

Unforgiveness Affects our Hearts

Russ was twelve years old when his parents divorced. It took a tremendous toll on him, but he didn’t realize the damage it had done until he was 36 years old and struggling with anger and resentment. He met with a pastor who gave him tools to finally forgive his parents, one of whom he didn’t even realize he was harboring resentment toward. He said, “I needed to process out my parents’ divorce in a way that allowed me to forgive them but not finger point at them and to be able to say, ‘You got divorced, I forgive you, and now I need to own my own stuff.”


Russ realized that holding onto that bitterness was detrimental to his current relationships, and once he was able to forgive, the change was instant: “Once I did that, it was so freeing to allow the Lord to take back the ground I had given Satan by holding onto that bitterness.” Russ’s heart changed dramatically, and it’s that message he brings to the young people who attend his pop-up session.

The Process

Russ laid out simple steps for the campers to go through (simple to understand how to do, not simple to actually do the work!).

  1. Campers are given a sheet of paper and asked to list people and the ways people have hurt them.
  2. Prompts include parents, siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, employers, God, and even themselves.
  3. They then assign “Emotional Pain Words” to each instance. These words help campers understand how actions made them feel.
  4. Examples of these words are abandoned, foolish, humiliated, rejected, bitter, cheated, unloved, and inadequate.
  5. The final step is to pray through each instance. For example, a camper may have unforgiveness toward her father for leaving their family. Her prayer may look like this: “Lord, I choose to forgive my dad for leaving me and causing me to feel abandoned. I am willing to pay for the emotional pain and consequences my dad has caused me. I ask you, Lord Jesus, to take back the ground I gave the enemy through my bitterness and I yield that ground to your control.”
  6. Campers would continue through their lists until they have forgiven each hurt against them.


Forgiving someone doesn’t negate the hurt or justify the pain they caused, but it does give freedom to live without resentment and bitterness and to go deeper in relationship with Christ and others.


Russ acknowledges the process is hard. He says, “My hurt caused me to build walls and kept me from being open with others. I desire to be free and emotionally open with every person who has hurt me.”


For those who have been hurt deeply, though, that forgiveness doesn’t come easily. It also cannot be accomplished during a 15-minute pop-up session, but Russ provides the tools for the campers to go through this process each time they are hurt by someone.

The Impact

In conversations afterwards, campers shared their hurts, both large and seemingly insignificant. One camper told Russ she was struggling to forgive her biological parents for putting her up for adoption. Another struggled to forgive her parents for getting divorced. Another was struggling to forgive her principal and coach for an unfair punishment they had given her. 


The potential this pop-up session has to dramatically change the trajectory of these campers’ lives is immense. Russ says, “In order for us to live a life faithfully devoted to Jesus, we cannot harbor bitterness, anger, or resentment because the outlash of those things doesn’t reveal who Jesus is.” But a heart that with Christ’s help can forgive deep hurts will point a hurting world toward Jesus. 


Pray for the campers who attended these pop-up sessions, that Christ would help them truly forgive. If you would like access to the resources Russ used in the pop-up sessions, please reach out to him at rbahr@fca.org. 

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